Mission Impregnable as Tom Builds Alien Bunker
October 9, 2007
Sydney Morning Herald
It's official: Tom Cruise is as mad as a cut snake. Forget global warming and the looming disintegration of democracy, the most pressing issue of the day in Cruiseland is the threat of invasion by … aliens.
According to several mags this week, Cruise is building an "$11 million luxury underground bunker" at his property in Colorado so his family can survive an "alien invasion".
"It's a self-contained underground shelter with high-tech air purifying system," Woman's Day reports. Other essential alien fighting features include a helipad and swimming pool.
Turns out that Tom is petrified of some alien guy called Xenu, who, according to the teachings of Scientology, is a bit of a bastard (or "intergalactic warlord" in Scientology speak) with a serious bone to pick with Earth because um, he's just, err … really cranky with us or something.
"Tom is tired of his beliefs being portrayed as nutty," says the mag. "As far as he's concerned, his ideas are totally reasonable and he's sick of having to justify them to non-believers."
Rightio. Better start digging under the garage then and stocking up on water bottles and tins of tomato soup.